I’ve got some so called friends.
They smile right to your face,
But when your back is turned,
They stick it to ya…”
–Paranoia Blues – Paul Simon
Perhaps it’s my Scorpio nature.
Being born between the 21st of October and the 20th of November has its problems. On the other hand, I do partake of my share of “the Hobbits pipe-weed,” which is said to make one paranoid.
It’s only paranoia when you only THINK the attackers are attacking. When the tanks are actually crossing your borders; when the nukes are falling; it ceases to be paranoia.
I had this friend (let’s call her “Mothra”) that I have known since High School. She had a crush on me back in those early years, and I am told has continued to carry a torch for me ever since, although it has been only recently, (in my 48th year), that I have been made aware of this.
This past summer in fact, Mothra proclaimed to me her undying love, and told me that she wanted to move in with my wife and I (we are polyamorous) and leave her husband and kids behind. One look at her Astrological chart was enough though. Besides being a Pisces (more on this later) she also had the fatal Mars in Aries, which is rough in the best of charts. There would have to be some extremely good aspects overriding this in order to make one an acceptable member of our Grove, let alone our nest. These two, along with some other big negatives, eliminated her as a
candidate for just about anything other than an occasional visitor.
Mothra has paralleled my own spiritual mis-journeys over the years. It was I who gave her her first copy of the closest thing to a “bible” I own: Stranger In A Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein. By “paralleled I mean that when I was fooling around with fundamentalist charismatic xtianity,
she was too. When I became involved in Wicca, so did she. And when Duane and I founded the Order of the Mithril Star, she joined up.
Or did she?
It was the “Covenant of the Mithril Star” back then, an offshoot of mine and Duane’s involvement with the Church of All Worlds, my own involvement with a group called “Circle of Fire and Friends (which was mainly influenced by Faery Wicca),” and by Duane’s involvement with the Ordo Templiori Orientalis. Toss in an equal portion of Reformed Druidism a bit of Chaos Magick and Discordian philosophy, and you have the “Mithril Star” tradition.
Now Mothra was living in Colorado Springs at the time. She sought out and joined a Mithril Star Coven that had started as the result of a Wicca 101 course I had taught on the Internet. As I understand the story, a power struggle and subsequent split ensued, and Mothra took a portion of
the members of that coven into her own group. However, it was not a Mithril Star coven, because her followers “couldn’t take seriously a group based upon a science fiction novel.”
A few years later, in an attempt to gain some credibility, we sought out an umbrella organization that would take us in. We found one in the Reformed
Druids of North America, itself a very “Discordian” group (though most of it’s members are unaware of this). Thus we became Druids (by our own definition and hardly anyone else’s (well joke ‘em if they can’t take a fuck), save the RDNA’s).
Mothra attempted to bring her little flock under our umbrella at that time, but to no avail. The group discorporated after she moved to the Seattle area.
For the last two years, Mothra has been teaching our Druidcraft 101 course over the Internet. She also was thought to be organizing an OMS
Grove of her own up on the Kitsap Peninsula, but something hasn’t been right. Even though the Seattle area has produced more OMS Druids than any other, she just couldn’t get it up to get a Grove formed. Finally, I sort of gave up on her, especially when she said she was too busy/burned out to
do anything, and I called upon the rest of the folk up there to form something.
And they did, and it looked like a Grove would form. But, as this was manifesting, something wicked transpired. A female graduate (but not a member of the Order) of Druidcraft 101 began to play some games on the “Cyber nest” – the main open discussion area of the OMS on the Internet. This person was picking apart some of the basic ideals of the Order. Once she got started, others jumped in, even questioning parts of the “Pledge.”
There was one, very young, but very loyal, member who also began “debating” ideas. Soon, the entire group, including Mothra, turned on this young one, and I was forced to take action against him. I was also forced to take action against another, who was openly attacking the Order, myself and some of our most cherished ideals. But Mothra thought he was okay. On her lead, a number of folks decided that they would leave if A) the young one
was not thrown off the list, and B) the attacker was.
The government of Cybernest (which is to say, my physical Grove), decided. We unsubbed the young one and the attacker. For good measure, we unsubbed the original transgressor as well. Mothra and a handful of folks loyal to her left in a huff. Oddly, this group included many of the folks involved in the forming of the Seattle Grove, which Mothra has taken a sudden interest in joining (after being “too tired” before).
Like the coven she once joined, she has once again been a leading figure in a “schism.” AND, she’s supposed to be my friend.
I don’t grok this. Is this a case of “there’s no fury like a woman scorned?” But I didn’t scorn her! I thought I was encouraging her!
Like my first two wives, Mothra is a Piscean. (I’ve been blessed with a Virgo this time around, and I believe this one really is forever – we’ve been together over three years and are still “honey mooning.” We rarely disagree. We finish each other’s sentences. We’re like twins).
In my experience, Pisceans are co-dependent, anti-social loners. They are also likely to be control freaks, but are first to accuse you of such. They will lie to you, and tell you they are all for poly-amory, and/or intentional community, then they will do whatever they can to scuttle whatever plans you have in those directions. They are spiritual vampires, sucking the life out of their victims, all the time proclaiming their unconditional love for them.
If I could, I would screen them out of the Order. I do screen them out of the Mother Grove.
Anyway, isn’t it strange that the one person claiming to be my most loyal follower has highjacked / sabotaged an attempt to start a group affiliated with the group I founded, not once, but twice? Is this just a coincidence?
I think not. Recent events regarding my friend have qualified my suspicions. Mothra was, up until recently, teaching the Druidcraft 101 course the Order offers over cyberspace. However, she threatened to not turn in students final exams to the Order, to start her own list with these students, and to write them all “exposing me” (exposing what?????). Of course, this was not written to me, but to a handful of malcontents that she managed to ensnare in her devious plot. But I caught wind of it from another friend, and “fired” her.
Like a kind of internet, Pagan, “Fatal Attraction,” this so called friend now is set on destroying me and the Order of the Mithril Star, just because I wouldn’t fuck her! What is this, High School? What kind of immature bullshit is this? We’re adults, for the Gods sake!
In her defense I guess I can relate somewhat to how she feels. Mothra hasn’t had sex in four years. Being in her late 40’s, she may be going through
the beginnings of menopause. I know she suffers from migraines (that also seems to be another Piscean trait – ex #2 had those so bad that she qualified for disability and medicare). She very well may be bi-polar. Crazy people do crazy, destructive things.
One of her wacky co-conspirators has come up with this: “Possibly a stupid thought, but I wonder if there is any abuse in their household? Laying blame on others, on whoever is convenient at the time, is a classic sign of spousal abuse. I see enough of it to know, both first hand and in the law office. It’s scary just to think about it.“
“Ceridwen has to fight a lot of his battles for him too. That is a sign as well, making excuses and trying to appease others so they don’t anger the abuser.”
So now they have descended into dark fantasies about me. But what do you expect from a group whose moderator states right out is “…made up of
people pissed at one group or another.”
I’m upset about this of course. But I have to look at the positive and negative aspects. I was raised by a farmer, and have some farming philosophy in my psyche. Once in a while, you lose a whole crop. It can be devastating, but mostly, you just plow it all under and replant, hoping for better results the next time around. The Order will survive. I will survive. In fact, I know that long after these folks are being digested by worms, the Order of the Mithril Star will be prospering and growing. I envision OMS Groves within our colonies on the Moon, and on Mars (how appropriate!) and on planets spinning round distant stars….
“Space, the final frontier…….”
Posted circa Mabon 1999