Giving Up …

At least for now.

I guess some things just run in families.  Some very bad, evil things run in families. I guess.

My father was an alcoholic.  One cannot blame him. He served in WWII as a tank driver. He had it easy because his unit – his whole company – never fired a shot. They were Headquarters Company, and their mission was to protect the General. So they did.  That was until the war was ending.  Dad’s company was sent in to liberate a concentration camp.  They were not warned or briefed on what they would find there.  When they arrived, and the gates were opened, the stench from the ovens was intense.  Walking around them were skeletons with skin.  The German’s had fled already, so once again, not a shot was fired.  That is how/why my father became an alcoholic.

When my father returned to Illinois, he settled on a farm and went into business with my Uncle and Grandfather.  They raised and butchered Black Angus Cattle for the Chicago Kosher Market.  This went on for many years, and until I was about seven.  Dad not only worked and helped manage the operation, but was also the bookkeeper.  As the years progressed, his alcoholism kind of took over and my Grandfather and Uncle had to stage an intervention.  So Dad lost the farm. In the process, I lost my Grandfather and my uncle, because (and I think this is what being a Scorpio means) Dad basically shunned his Father and his brother for the rest of their lives.

Does the shunning behavior run in families?


Since leaving my wife (the mother of my three sons), I have had the sense that some pact was made.  My sons are not supposed to contact me by any means.  Now, I can do whatever I want, and they will talk to me but only if I contact them.  I’ve flown back to Illinois three times since May of 1992.  They visited with me then. I’ve made numerous phone calls over the years, and they have talked to me at those times.  A few years ago my oldest son, his wife and their son came out to Eureka to see me. I think they stayed about a week, and I gave them the grand tour of the County. My oldest has also been the one to phone me on occasion,  usually to try to rope me into some business opportunity he had going. But, it was still contact.  As for the other two (the twins) they have only contacted me when I was in the Hospital. Apparently the shunning applies to their children as well. Not one time, when I have called the twins has either of them said to their children, “Hey your Grandpa is on the line! You want to talk to him?”  I suspect that the grandchildren don’t even know I exist.

I kvetched about this on Facebook last summer, and my middle son promised he would contact me during the holidays. So Thanksgiving came and I waited. Xmas came and I waited. New Years came and I waited. I am still waiting. The phone has yet to ring.

I wonder if shunning is like a gene and it runs in families, so that if someone does something perceived as a wrongness to someone else, that person gets to shun to person who did the thing.

I’ve taken a Facebook sabbatical for three months.  Well, sorta. I’ve put that entire part of my family on a list, and they don’t get to see any of my posts. I can still see all of theirs, but I am purposely not reacting.

I wonder if they will even notice. Or care

You can say, “I love you,” to someone, but if there is no corroborating action to go with it, is it really love, or just an obligatory saying?