I’ve only met two of my grand children

That may seem strange, but it’s true.  I met my eldest grandson, Isaiah, back when he was bout 5 or 6 I think. I had flown back to Kankakee for a visit and taken him and my three sons to a movie. It was Starship Troopers, a movie based upon the novel by Robert A. Heinlein, my favorite Sci-Fi author (please note: I am NOT a Libertarian).

I met Jalen (this is Joshua’s son, and Isaiah is his half-brother) when Josh, Aisha and Jalen came here to Eureka to visit me a few years ago.

The others, Mia, Poppy and Dorothy (the daughters of Jesse) and Cam, Ian and Joy (the children of Jordan) have not met me.  Frankly,  I wonder if they even know I exist.

I know that Jordan and Jesse can both afford to travel, although Jordan travels more than Jesse.  A couple of years ago Jesse had a job (he owns/operates a video production house) in Portland OR, which is 8 hours drive north of Eureka.  So, that wasn’t a possibility.

Jordan has been to Southern California a few times with his family.  But, California is a BIG (from border to border, 1156 miles) state. People do not realize this. Jordan was visiting (I believe) the Los Angeles area.  I live near the northern border. That’s about a 10 hour drive (644 miles), so definitely not a possibility.

So I keep in touch with all of them via Facebook, and I try to call around the holidays. I call.  Neither of the twins have ever called me (except when I was in the hospital last year).  I actually make it a point on Fathers Day not to call any of them, hoping that (since I am their father) they will call me. That hasn’t happened – not once since 1992, when I moved to California.

So, why?  Why don’t  they ever call me (the be fair, Joshua has called me lots — usually to try to sell me something. But Joshua is the exception).

I can only speculate: I think maybe Lynne (my ex-wife who is their mother) made some kind of pact with them.  They may not visit me or contact me. I can only visit or contact them.  Josh (being the rebel that he is) has broken the pact many times, but the twins have stayed faithful to mom. Or so it would seem.

I can’t really blame them.

I committed a great “sin.” I left their mother.  Then, in the pursuit of my own happiness, I followed another woman to California.  The twins were only eleven at the time, and I look back and I have a lot of regrets about my decisions. I think I should have at least stuck around long enough to see them graduate. But, I was selfish, and I had this wild idea that I would get established in California and then move the boys out here.  Well, Catherine (the woman I followed out to California) wanted nothing to do with that, and basically sabotaged my plans .  It wasn’t until after we moved to Ashland OR that I was able to get loose from her (although her opening a credit card account with Joshua’s social security number helped separate us a lot). Ashland is where I met Ceridwen, my present spouse (and one for many incarnations) and soul mate (we’ve been together 21 years, married for 20).  Ceridwen and I founded the Reformed Druids of Gaia.

From the time I turned 18 until around the time I turned 28 (give or take 1 – 3 years) I was a “born-again Xtian.”  Somewhere around my 28th to 30th birthdays I discovered that Jesus never lived. That there was no historical basis for him.  For all intents and purposes, I had become an atheist. That didn’t last long though. I reread the book that my best friend in High School, Louis Dolmon, had given me when we were Sophomores: Stranger In A Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein (but no, I am not a Libertarian – not by any stretch).  That was my first exposure to the concept, “Thou Art God.”  I think sub-consciously I had always believed this, even while I was living as a Xtian.  Likewise, I had never not believed in reincarnation.  Both ideas, I believe, were taught by Jesus. Actually there are a lot of Jesus’ ideas that I still embrace, such as love, compassion, truth, beauty.  These are all in my DNA, and perfectly (I believe) exemplify the concept “Thou Art G-d.”

So not only did I leave their mother (the reasons for which will be examined in another missive someday), but I left Jesus.  I’m a blasphemer. The Amish have a tradition called “shunning” where they reject anyone who doesn’t stay in their faith. I not only didn’t stay in their faith, I created a whole new one.

Anyroad, this is all just speculation. I really have no idea why the twins don’t wish to expose their children to me. But, maybe they will read this, and their hearts will be filled with compassion (a  very Christ-like thing) and they will come out and visit their dad.

Or maybe not. <sigh>

Why can’t I fly out to Illinois and visit them?  Money.  I retired in 2009, when my former employer, Gottshalks, went bankrupt (after being in business for 102 years!).  Because shlepping mattresses wrecked my back (particularly Temperpedic mattresses, which are supposed to be good for your back – not if you shelp them) I was diagnosed with “degenerative disc disease” and qualified for disability payments (through Social Security). That provides me enough to live on, but not enough to travel on. So, I’m stuck out here. But, the temperature here In Eureka rarely gets above 70 degrees or below 35 degrees. The great Redwood forest surrounds me, and the ocean is a few blocks drive.  The nearest fires are over 100 miles away (and Redwoods do not burn unless struck directly by lightening).

So, I’m happy here. My life is good. It could be better (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more). I could get to see my grand children. Maybe once. Before I die. (Psst! We have Redwoods – the tallest trees in the world!).